The Kiss - A Really Bad Date Story
by Bilal Berthony
Janet and I strolled down Broadway having an interesting conversation about interracial dating when it happened. I noticed a look of disbelief on her face. I glanced ahead of us, and saw two of the finest women in the world walking towards us. Damn! Now I know why Janet had that look on her face. I couldn't believe what I saw either. They were both gorgeous, and were dressed to kill. Janet was already insecure about our age difference, and these two ladies were closer to my age than hers. "This is every man's nightmare," I thought to myself. I kept the conversation going and looked directly at Janet. I knew she wasn't listening. She was too busy watching them pass by. Janet was staring at them so hard that I began to think that she played on both sides.
After the "super models" passed us, Janet turned to me with a spiteful look. In a disgusted tone she declared, "It must have killed you not to look at them!"
I remained silent.
"Well, did it?"
It's a no win situation! If I looked at them as they passed, I'm judged as a dog. If I don't look at them, I'm interrogated about my thoughts. Why do I always end up with the insecure ones?
"No. It didn't kill me." There was another awkward moment of silence.
"But you did see the two women who just passed ...right?"
Is she crazy? Hell yeah I saw them pass! Am I dead? Even Stevie Wonder would have seen those two. "Yes, I saw them...and? What's your point?"
"You acted like you didn't see them looking at you."
"They were looking at me?" I had to hold back my smile. I must have been looking better than I thought. Those women were usually way out of my league.
"Oh really? I didn't see that, but I saw them before they got close to us. You seemed to have noticed them quite more than I did."
"Yeah I guess I did."
From that moment the date just got worse. We had dinner and took a walk around Greenwich Village. It must have been Ladies Night Out in New York City. At every corner there were another set of young women to destroy her confidence. I got interrogated three more times before the night was over. How could she be so jealous on a first date? I decided that it would be best if we stopped walking around and found a spot to talk. I knew this little secluded garden on Hudson Street. It's a quiet oasis in the midd le of the hustle and bustle of New York City. I read about it in an article about the best kept secrets of the city.
Janet absolutely loved the garden. We shared our hopes, dreams, failures, and disappointments. The date was definitely getting better. The conversation was great. I felt a lot closer to Janet after that. I decided to open up to Janet and told her about some family issues. My Great Grandmother was on her death bed. Big Momma, as we called her, held my family together. She wasn't even gone and the family began to fall apart. I described the horrible feeling of knowing that the most influential person in your family was about to pass. Even though she was loved and needed so much, her time on Earth was almost over and we could do nothing but watch. At that moment, Janet looked at me with her expressive brown eyes. She placed her hand on my right knee. I could tell she wanted to share something.
"I know exactly how you feel," she said in an understanding tone. "When my cat died, I cried for weeks. I couldn't save her. She died on the way to the vet. I had to carry her dead body in my arms."
She continued to describe the loss of her pet, but I wasn't listening. I know my face must have been totally blank. I felt my expression change to nothing. I was in absolute shock. How could she compare the loss of the matriarch of my family to her damn cat? I realized this was probably the only loss that she had ever experienced, but she should have kept it to herself. I was in no mood to hear it. She must have finished her story because she looked at me for acknowledgement.
"Tony, are you OK?" she asked.
"I'm not feeling very well, maybe we should head home."
I knew we had to go before she totally destroyed my opinion of her. The conversation was so good before that incident that I didn't want to ruin it with a rebuttal to her story. She really meant no harm by it, but this date was a big disappointment. The drive home was filled with 45 minutes of gauche silence. I felt a little embarrassed when I heard my tires burn as the car skid around the corner of her block. It was obvious that I was in a rush to end the date, yet she gathered up the nerve to invite me inside. I tried to turn her down but she insisted. She apologized for her jealous behavior earlier on. She wanted to make things right. I figured she deserved a second chance. Everyone has said or done something at one point in their lives that they wish they could take back.
Janet had already failed the security test big time. See, there are three major things that I look for in a woman on a first date. She must have at least 2 of the 3. Number one is the ability to express herself. I usually pick a very sensitive topic to see how my date handles herself. Tonight's topic was interracial dating. Now, if you've ever talked to a Black woman about the subject, you already know how heated it can get. Janet handled herself better than I could have ever imagined. She stated her opinions without unnecessary drama. She backed up every point. She disagreed with me on certain things without getting upset. It was great.
The second thing is security. This involves the way a woman handles herself in public, and how she feels about herself. Janet got an F the moment she made that comment about the two women that passed us by on the street. I can usually tell what a woman thinks of herself through conversation. It becomes difficult if a date doesn't talk much about herself, or her past relationships. This wasn't the case with Janet. She told me all I wanted and didn't want to know about her last relationship. Her last boyfriend was insanely jealous. She told me that she believes that he was crazy. I remember thinking to myself "I don't think he's the one that was crazy."
The third thing is a great kiss. I know this may sound a bit strange, but a kiss (done correctly) can be more intimate than sex. Sex can be one sided. The man has a lot more control over the outcome. No matter how dominate the female or submissive the man, he is the penetrator. He can give up control, and take it back whenever he wants. Kissing is different. Both tongues penetrate. They caress and explore the contours of the partner's warm, wet mouth. You can tell a lot about a lover by their kiss. If the kiss is lazy, tired, or rushed than you better believe that the sex is too. A first kiss should be slow with a hint of the passion to come. You don't want to lay it all out on the first kiss. Our tongues should, for a lack of a better term, get to know each other.
I decided to go inside. Janet deserved a chance. I heard the nervous clattering of her keys, as she tried to open the door. When she finally opened the door, she pointed to the living room. "Make yourself at home," she said. She disappeared into the kitchen and returned with two beers. She placed the beers on the table, and sat down on the sofa across from me. We stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. It was then that I realized that Janet was an attractive woman. I think I originally went out with her solely for the experience of dating an older woman. I loved the idea of an older woman chasing after me. How Stella Got Her Groove Back just came out the week before I met Janet. I believe it had a lot to do with her asking me out. I really had no problem with it. For once I didn't have to be the aggressor. She asked me out. She was trying to impress me. But as we sat there staring at each other, I realized that she was no different than any other woman that I've dated. She wanted me to make the first move.
Janet had nice full lips that parted ever so slightly, like her tongue was always ready to break through and wet her lips.
"What are you thinking about over there?" she asked.
"Come over here and find out," I answered.
With that she raised her eyebrows and gave me that "oh really" look. She got up and walked over to me. She stood directly between my legs with her arms crossed.
"Now, what were you thinking?" She didn't think that I was bold enough to try anything. I reached up from my seat, and placed my hands on her sides. I slipped my hands around her and slid them down her back until they landed on her behind. I held her firmly in my hands. She leaned forward. Her sexy mouth parted slowly. I felt her soft lips press against mine, but I wasn't ready to taste her tongue. I wanted to tease her first. I pulled back, and kissed her neck. I felt her body quiver in my hands. With soft deliberate kisses I made my way back to her lips. The closer our lips got, the more she quivered. She felt as though she was about to explode. Our lips were about to meet. What happened next is something that I'll never forget.
She grabbed the back of my head, and proceeded to push her tongue deep down my throat. It was so fast and so hard that I thought that I was going to choke. I tried to retreat further back on the couch, but it was hopeless. She climbed on top of me. I kicked my feet as I struggled for air, but that only excited her more. What the hell is she thinking? Does she think this is sexy? I have to stop this. I put one hand on each of her shoulders, and pushed her off of me. She managed to hold on to my bottom lip with her super suction. I heard the pop as I finally escaped her grasp.
I sat there exhausted from my struggle. I touched my bottom lip to make sure it was still attached. We were both breathing heavily. Hers were pants of passion, while mine were gasps for air. She had a hungry look in her eye as her lips made their way back to me. "Oh No!" I thought. There had to be something that I could do to stop her. She was getting closer. I turned my head so that she wouldn't be able reach my lips. That didn't stop her from sticking her saliva dripping tongue into my ear. I grimaced as she slobbered all over me. I tilted my head to discourage her, but she used it as an opportunity to lick my face. She licked from my ear down my neck and back up to my ear. From there she proceeded to leave a trail of drool across my cheek. I opened my mouth in disgust. Before I could say "That was nasty," she slipped her tongue back down my throat. I pushed her off of me. I wiped the saliva off of my face. She came back for more. I placed my hand over her mouth just before she reached my lips.
"Wait a second Baby," I said in an unsure voice. She paused. I had to think of something fast, but my mind was totally blank.
"Do you have any condoms?" I couldn't believe that I said that. Was it that bad? I was actually willing to give her anything as long as she didn't kiss me again. I hope she liked it from behind. That way she could keep that tongue to herself.
"No, I don't have any," she answered. I let out a sigh of relief. "Well, we should slow down then. I'm getting really excited. I don't think I can handle much more of this." She smiled and slowly backed off of me. Thank God! I can finally relax. We watched the movie Friday on HBO. Halfway through the movie she started kissing on my neck. I knew where this was heading. I decided that this nice guy bullshit had to end. I had remained silent because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but this was getting out of hand. I turned towards her. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes. "Umm..I have to go."
"You can stay here if you want."
"No I can't!" I said abruptly. I realized that I raised my voice. As if to compensate for the harshness of my last statement, I lowered my voice and in a very pleasant tone said "I have to go. I'm expecting a call tomorrow morning."
"Are you leaving because you can't get some?"
"No. I'm not like that J."
"Then why can't you stay here? I just want to cuddle and kiss."
"Kiss?" I asked
"I really have to go Janet." With that I stood up and grabbed my jacket. She leaped up and ran to the door. She stood in front of the door facing me with her hands extended. "Stay a little longer," she pleaded.
"Naw...it's real late," I responded
She wouldn't move from in front of the door, and my patience was wearing thin. I grabbed her and lifted her away from the door. She clung onto my arm. I swung free, and quickly unlocked the door. I ran out. "Call me," she screamed. I dashed down the stairs and out the building. The night air never smelled so good, and I never felt so free.