(The Intro)

Well people I am just gonna keep it real from the start of this story. December 18, 2002 is the date that some interesting facts came together. So I will start out by saying these events are true but fictional to those of you that don’t really know me. My name is Tonciel (tun-see-el) Streeter and I am 28 years old. I have really never lived with my mother and most of the time I lived with my aunt's on my mom’s side. I had my dad to lean on, but he had remarried and did so kind of secretly so, that left me feeling confused. Okay enough with the sob story. The little girl is past all the madness and now I have a story to tell.

The Situation

It was the winter of 1996 and it was not so cold in North Carolina in the winters. As long as you had a small amount of heat you were okay through the nights. I had just returned from a summer vacation in Minnesota and those winters are just terrible. So it was rejuvenating to get to some familiarity. I started a new job that required me being fly as hell. I walked into the place and I wasn’t expecting anyone to be as cute as me. So of course for the first day I had to be geared up – matching from head to toe. Then it happened; I saw the damn runway. Now when I say runway, I mean the isle that I had to travel back and forth, across, and around every single day that I would be working there. I also saw that others realized that as well. I hated to admit it; competition was hella, but that just gave me my cue to set this office on fire. When you walk the runway; there are I would say one hundred eligible, as well as, ineligible black men to deal with. So you know being fly is a must, and numbers are constantly passed back and forth. So let’s cut to the chase.

I was into my second week and you know it didn’t take me long to spot the brother that I was interested in. He was the epitome of fine. Well, he was not a pretty boy, but he was just my type, rough-rugged-not married- he had one kid though, but umm he and his girl were not together, at least not at the present time. So I went over to him and I saw this particular girl that seemed just a little interested in what I was saying to him. So I strolled past her leaving my Eternity on her mind as well as his. I did however turn around soon enough to see her getting up to go and yell at him, you know sophisticatedly, as if not to cause a scene. Cynthia was her name, and the man I had my eye on, his name was Shan. I was always known to make an entrance and cause someone to get in trouble, so umm I gave a shy smile while going back to my computer. So I needed to know more, I casually made my way over to her and told her my name and asked her break schedule. We got along fine. Shan and I of course were having midnight phone sessions but nothing had occurred. Usually I like to deal with men that have issues, so I don’t get attached. In my second month there, I walked in on those two having a heated conversation, that quickly ended as soon as I came over. But what ever I did not care things were beginning to build up to my level of excitement.

That night Shan and I made plans to meet at his place. Once there I was a bit disappointed, I didn’t take him for the black leather furniture type of man but umm, for what I wanted it was cool. We chatted for a few minutes and I asked him if it was okay if I smoked, he was cool with that. I honestly thought he knew I was referring to cronic but obviously I was wrong. He seemed quite surprised, but happily surprised. So we smoked my cronic and he called for some more. I have been rolling blunts for a long time, so he was quite impressed that I could perfect a Philly Blunt with no holes, no tears, and perfectly round. That was the beginning of a beautiful down low relationship. I continued sitting and conversing with Cynthia, shit her and Shan were not married nor were they dating, she was one of those types that could not distinguish sex from love and love from a fling. That how ever has never been my issue so I was cool. We met up at my place and his for a while and things were cool. Just smoking and drinking, conversing about our issues and his biggest one was his baby mom thinking she could pop up at anytime. I didn’t care, I told him I did not want to know her name and she didn’t have to know about me at all.

So later that night I had to meet up with Mackie. Oh! I forgot to tell you that I have a man. Yes Mackie and I have been together for 1 year and 6 months. So now the drama unfolds. Look don’t start getting all like she a hoe on me and shit. First off I have been through hell with Mackie, he has been there for me and I for him. He recently took me shopping out in Maryland at the Potomac Mall. It’s just huge outlet store. He bought me a ring and instantly I saw things changing. He gave me his car to drive and he worked different shifts so we didn’t get to be together as much as before. I understood that, but what I didn’t understand is why he was suddenly not spending lunch calling me as he use to do and all that. I asked him about it and he said he was working through lunch. I just delt with it and left it alone. I still felt strange about him being absent from me as much as he was but shit money talks and he had money. I remember one night that I was suppose to meet him at work and he was not there, he didn’t even go. I went home and of course hurt, angry, and sadly disturbed. I was really in love with him and I felt he was creeping. So for a couple of days I needed to clear my head, but of course to do that I had to go shopping for some items, and yes cronic was number one on the list. I ran into my step moms nephew and he asked me were me and Mackie still together, and I was like yes why? He started to say nothing, then he sensed that the anger was real, so he was like okay I see him everyday dropping this girl off, and picking her up from work. She writes his name down on paper and she talks to him all the time. She also said that she lives right around the corner from his job. I took all the information in stride. I just let it soak in, in other words, I just dealt with it. I didn’t go out and start a war or cut tires, or throw salt in his game. I played his game and I did it well I might add. So now back to Shan and I. I started sleeping over Shan’s at his apa rtment we chilled more often than before, and th at left less time for the baby moms, (still unknown) and the opposition Ms. Cynthia, whom I was still cool with. I don’t know when she came to the realization that she wanted to try and put salt in his game, but she snapped at work one day.

We were all sitting in the break room chilling- chatting and just having fun, it was the Christmas holidays and we had drawn names in each department and so we were all exchanging gifts. All of a sudden Shan walks through and no sooner than he sat down, I got and unknown sender gift.. It was this bear that I had seen in an book that Shan and I had, but I had also told Mackie that I wanted that same bear. So as soon as she saw the bear; she looked at him, and I guess took her last slap in the face from him.

She stood up and said loudly, " I see some of us are pretty special- I mean especially to get gift’s form unknown people, so Shan did you buy her this." Shan replied. "If I did is it any of your business; and why are you asking anyway?" The heat was excruciating in that break room, because she was about to explode. Cynthia was much darker than I and she was red faced. At that point all eyes were on her, and she was about to blow it. She put herself out there major. Cynthia replied, "I see the way you look at her, and smile, and all that shit, I am not stupid. I know that she is getting my time, our time, or what use to be of it."

That’s when it took all in me not to stand up and smack the shit out of her, but instead I laughed. I said, "Look what the hell are you talking about, why would Shan have a reason to give me anything in secrecy, he is not married, and he is NOT involved." Stressing NOT. So once that drama was over, she seemed cool not knowing she had just been played. See I believe in keeping the code of silence. Shan new about Mackie and I about Cynthia, as well as, the still unknown baby moms. We agreed that we would be each other’s happiness without all the extra talk about what’s going on with him or me. No talk about the others, this was our time. This went on for about an year, and I decided that I didn’t want to deal with him or Mackie anymore. I ended up getting back with an old love, and we will call him ACE. Now he on the other had sold cronic and would just give it to me to keep me happy. I lived the life that most women wanted to live. He was a drug dealer and everyone knew him, meaning that they knew me as well.

It was no secret that Ace was my very first love and to this day I have a love for him that has not been replaced. Anyway, I let him dictate to me as no other man has before. Come on ladies, now we know there is always one guy that is no good for us that we just have to have. This was my weakness, no matter what happened I was always there. Yes even when rendevouing with Shan and my man Mackie. Ace knew what it took to make me quiver with just a lick of the lips, ummm that man was as they as DA BOMB.

Well that’s a story that is gonna end just like this. I got in to deep, and lost all I had and I learned from my mistakes. Money the fast life –the fast cars-and all the cronic I can possibly inhale for free. Whew..That was then and this is now. So I moved back to the wintry state of Minnesota and started over again. I have a new man, and I currently live in the hood. I went from riches to rags. I have an okay life, and I am ready to rid myself of the torture. I am saving to move back to the Carolina’s one day..I just have to get all bills paid. I don’t want to leave any behind to creep up on that good credit. So I know you think this ended crazy so I guess I will tell you why...Remember I never knew who the baby mom was...Well I called and spoke with my auntie... She was telling me that some of my old guy friends still stop by just to say hi to her. She mentions Shan and his soon to be wife my cousin Brianna and that she was also his baby moms. She said she said Shan and Bri at the store and she told him to stop by. My auntie said he was so shocked when she pulled out my and Bri’s pictures. She said he wanted to chat with me, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. So I just told her to be sure to tell him, neither one of us knew, and he doesn’t ever have to worry about me telling anything. The Code of Silence keeps my word. See women we often for get that some people come in our life to give us what we need at the time. That does not mean that it will last forever. So to all of you women out there that can not distinguish a fling between love. Don’t have a down low lover. Some things are meant to be a lesson taught. Now Shan and I had an agreement we were there to just be each other’s friends, lovers, and comfort. Somewhat of support. When it was over it was over. Now how could we experience that if we had known who each other were. True I would never had been with him intimately if I had know he was my cousin's baby daddy. But at the time I did not know. Now in all honesty I am glad I did not know, I enjoyed my months with Shan he is the coolest down low lover I have ever had. I am glad he is happy and I wish him and her all the best.

So that chapter of my life is over, over , over. But I enjoyed every minute of it.

Now how many of you can relate to that! Shhhhhit.

Always remember the Code Of Silence!