Word Up 2
by Angela Brown
When I fell in love with this man, I could have ran away. We met in his front yard. We had got to talking about politics, it became a bridge in our relationship. This love was no secret. Everyone knew we liked each other. I wondered what he thought about me. Was it right to want to get married at first sight? I had thoughts we would elope secretly after he knocked me up and when we got to the chapel we would make peace for the second time as we talked in his yard.
But could we build a relationship. This was the beginning of a binding friendship. He love to dance and he was a musician. We met at the dance club and I had two left feet and I could not hold a beat and I loved being with him. What would my therapist say? What we had looked promising. We were off to a good start. I felt I could get to know this man, because he had charm and sex appeal. I admired him most for his personality. He seemed warm and kind. He would open doors for me. He would comfort me. He did everything that seemed right to get my attention. When I was with him, I felt welcome. I hoped to make him feel the same way about me.
I became fond of him. We would meet at book stores to have coffee. His conversation was good. We would exchange stories and laugh. It was the start of a good relationship built on trust. I was willing to change my old behavior to be with this man. He made me feel good about myself. I began to alter my life to be with him. There was a problem. He had a jealous girlfriend. She cracked his window with a bat when she found out about us. She threatened our relationship when she scratched my car.
I envied her looks. She was motivated and more attractive than I was. I was hoping I could talk to her about us. What was I to do with me, him and her in the way? Only thing I could hope for is that we would continue as a couple. It did not seem right with him having a friend who loved him as much as I did.
He had a half-brother who would pay visits to my home. His brother told me that he was dead on drugs and alcohol. It turned out we had an affair. The news got around that that his girlfriend was having his child. When asked I lied to protect him reputation. I now needed a marriage counselor, because we were not communicating. There was something I needed to say to him. I needed to know if this was his baby. The community began to suspect that I was interfering with his life. Those bashful dates became interludes of deception.
Drugs are as bad as bad women. They can ruin your health and give you a decease. It can make you so crazy you will do almost anything to have it. It can make you feel discomfort. It can make you ill. It can make you so sick you can die from its addiction.
A good woman can make you happy. A good woman can help you to be your best. A good woman can make you change your ways that you feel good about yourself. A good woman can make you feel secure about yourself. A good woman can influence you to do your best. A good woman will make you believe in yourself. She will make you feel good about who you are. A good woman will be there to support your dreams.
His Mom was concerned about her son. It began to disturb her how he was acting with the wrong crowd. She expressed that drugs was changing her son. Most muscians were drug addicts. If only he could change? She was afraid that drugs would ruin his career. I felt he needed me spiritually to get the idea that there were other options in life than to be an addict.
It hurt me to see him shake while I was around him. He seemed timid and scared of drug deals he could not pay. I wanted to leave afraid of violence acts against me, but I cared enough to seek the advice of a counselor who could help him. He hated to have to talk to a counselor and he knew he needed help. He could also see how the addiction was making him an angry person.
He turned to drugs because of a broken relationship with his former girlfriend who now claims she is pregnate by him. He knew it was not his child. He had not been with her in over a year and now a baby? He was worried he would have to stop his dream of being a musician to support his child. He could lose everything with a baby to someone who wanted more than he could give. Who wanted more than he could handle. He did not love her. What was he to do?
When he fell in love with her for her good looks. She seemed to be popular with the boys and she gave him all the loving he needed. Other men took notice with jealousy when she was with him and he liked getting the attention from the girls. She would wear expensive clothes and drove a mercedez. An admirer bought her a mercedez selling drugs for tricks she did for him. Every man in her neighborhood wanted to be with her. The ladies wish they had what she had. They did not know why she was so popular with the guys.
I met him half way at school. We had classes together and it seemed he was ignoring me. I wanted to talk to my friend. The trust was broken because of lies and deception. The last time we spoke I wanted him to tell me that he loved me and that it was not his child. He would not. I wanted him to get off drugs to be a better man. All he could think about is that he was going to be a father. His girlfriend felt they had something good. He saw too how generous and kind and soft spoken he was. She also admired his talent. She knew he would make a good father for her child because she saw the same potential I had seen in him. She felt if only she could trap him with a baby that he would give her everything she dreamed of an much more.
What seemed to be obliterated was becoming a night mare. His step Mom was in our business. I could no longer call him. I could not talk to him. I became broken from the trust I hope will build. She knew about our relationship and wanted to help. I talked to her as if she were a mother.
He was raised in a family with a single mom. He could not afford heavy expenses. He was going to college in hopes to graduate so that he could become a music instructor and play with the band. He got a fellowship to go to college. The fellowship paid the rent and for his college tuition and books. With his job as a teacher assistant at an elementary school was enough money to pay the rent and to give his mom a little money to buy the nice things she wanted.
His Mom talked about family. She spoke about the things her son did as a kid. She shared the experiences she had with raising him. She had shown pictures of his recitals and when he played for the church choir. She said her son had a gift of writing music in that it was his vocation. His Mom expressed concern in what made him happy as well as what makes him sad. I could tell how she talked about her son she cared for him as much as he cared for her.
His ex-girlfriend wanted too much of his time. He would not find the time to study and work. She expected him to buy her nice things and support her drug habit. She had been involved with drug dealers in the past. She was no good for him. She wanted him to steal for her from time to time to pay off her drug habit. He saw in life where his life was going with this. He knew he would land a space in jail some day.
A man who loves his mom respects women. When a man talks about his Momís cooking, you know he is loved. When he says good things about his mom, he is kind to women. When a man talks about how proud his Mom makes him feel about himself, he loves women. When I could hear him talk about his Mom, it told me a lot about how he felt and treated women. I felt he respected women and that is a good thing.
I loved this man so much he made me cry. It hurt that I could not spend time with him. I enjoyed his company. He would make me laugh. He would support my poetry writing. He would read my poems out loud and recite the lines of my poems in his music. When I heard him blow that saxophone, it made me proud that a man would have such a gift. He had real talent. I would hope he would use it to his full potential. He loved my poetry and wanted to read more. I would share my poems with him. We admired and loved each other a lot.
At night he would walk me home and when we walked we would laugh and talk about things we did growing up. He would talk about his music and how it makes him feel when he plays. He would talk about his brother and how close they were when they grew up. He would talk about his Mom and how hard she worked to raise her two sons. He would talk about his parentís relationship in how it did not work out. He would talk about his father and how it hurt he left his mom. He would talk about his politics and the impact on the church in how it influenced his life to be an activist. As he spoke, I got to know him better as a person and a friend. I wanted now even more to be with the man I loved.
His Mom was a singer. We became very close friends with the visits at her home and conversations over the phone. I was actively writing poetry and performing at the college. The community began to wonder about me with the therapy and the medication. What was it end for me?
I liked spending time with him. I would read his music. He had a gift that he was good at. I was impressed with his talent. His Mother was a singer. She had a natural voice for singing jazz. When I heard her sing for the first time, it resembled her son so much. I would think they collaborated on their music. His mom blessed him with his gift I so admired.
I might have stood up for his girlfriend had I understand. It turned out she was lying about her pregnancy. She lied to get him to be with her and not me. She wanted to make me jealous and I found out the truth. I was 10 week late with my menstrual period. All the care giving and the denial made me angry with him. If he met me half way, it would be the best thing for the three of us.
Pregnant? I was on birth control. I vowed to be a virgin until I was married. This pregnancy was disturbing. I was confused if I wanted a child as a single mom. It did not seem promising that he would step up to the plate to marry me and raise his child. I had thoughts of aborting my child. I had thoughts of what might my child do with their life and how I would teach it to be strong and have good morals in life. I needed to talk to him, but he shut me out.
I saw a visual for once in my life. I wanted to surrender my life to the man I loved who was lost and needed to find his way back home.
Several month past. My belly was getting bigger and everyone began to notice. If things worked out, we would be married before the baby was born. I noticed things began to change when he altered his life to be with me more. He then began to become the man of my dreams. I needed him as much as he needed me.
He began to mature into the man I needed. We began to mature in our relationship as it began to build. Sometime a couple needs time apart to think things through in order to mend the relationship giving time to grow.
He decided that he would quit drugs and alcohol to resolve the conflict, because he knew that was what he needed to do in order to raise our child. I liked the person he had become. He met me halfway as we learned to communicate.
He promised to be a man. I promised to be his woman. We had changed into responsible parents. We made visits more often as we made plans for our child to be born. We were engage in a few weeks. We asked God to bless our relationship. We needed the moral support and blessing from the church.
Talking things out with our circle of friends helped us change from a child to an adult. The letters, the phone calls made us closer friends. In this relationship we made a commitment to trust our instincts and not let anyone judge us because we were different.
His ex-friend knew what she was up against Ė God and his church. She admitted she loved him to. She loved him enough to not get in the way. Lies and deception is an act of evil using rumors that can break and tear you down hurts. He explained to me the reason they broke up was because it did not work. She was too demanding and he could not give her all she wanted. Maybe the next time she falls in love, she will have a better understanding in how to make a relationship work and that breaking two people in love is not worth the risk of losing a friend. I would like to make a confession. I made a mistake of falling in love with more than one man in my life. I feel with experiences I had made one good choice, I would have stayed with my one true love. I found that in life is easier if we fell in love for the very first time than to never have loved at all. A working relationship for the first time is the best relationship I have ever lived. I have found that if I found my one time love, I would be happier with my selection.
The love of my life was too implicit. It was simple to fall in love with one man who I was attracted to. His demeanor alone is the reason I become fond of. I found him to be intellectually competitive. He was easy to talk to. His outside appearance was always neat and clean. I was attracted to his physical attributes. He was an athlete. His personality was appealing in how he carried himself. He was sensitive to political issues that met my interest. He was proactive activist in the community. He was outgoing and friendly. He was the role model I would follow for advice. This was a man with potential. He was a man who had talent and expressed a love for doing what he did best. He was a skilled artist and talented writer. He was a good conversationalist. He could supported me when I was sad and he could make me laugh when I cry. I really liked this man.
He was the type of man I could trust my life with, because he was there for me. I chose him for being the man of my dreams. I could turn to him when I was in trouble. He was there for me when I needed a friend to talk to. He was there for me when I had no one to turn to. I needed him in my life to make me secure. His love would carry me whether I me until I could walk on my own. This is the deepest kind of love affair. Love is a beautiful thing, when it happens you skin glows. I feel confident who I am, and secure about my surrounding when he was around. Every day I wake up knowing that I have someone in my life who cared. I accept new challenges and every time I fail, I have a new approach in life to love in a different way. When you love someone you are sharing an experience that love creates an added value sentimental to true love.
Love leaves an imprint in our hearts. Spreading love is giving back as it is to receive. I receive love when he held me in his arms. I gave love back when I cherished his warm embrace. No man can give a better gift than to love me for me, who I am regardless of my flaws. When you are in love nothing else matters. There is nothing more meaningful when you love somebody and that somebody loves you back. Sharing company with someone who is willing to take the time to spend with you is meaningful in a relationship. To tell someone you love them and promise there will never be another to break your heart is worth fighting for love. To be afraid to hurt him and be able to express your true inner feelings in a type of relationship that is binding is worth being in love. When you fall in love and can keep secrets you have a good relationship built on trust. It is to confide in love. The best kind of love when you cannot live with or without him to go either way that will break your love, is the kind of love you keep.
Pain is having your heart broken in the worst way. Pain is to have the man walk out on you and never to return. Pain is a token when he stops talking to you because he has shut you out his life and you are broken. Pain is not being able to communicate to express how you feel at the moment and you are broken. Pain is to not understand what one is going through and you still want to reach out. Pain is to not care when a hug is not enough and so you make love instead of talking. Love is to have your heart broken because he is cheating on you and does not talk about it. Pain is to know he loves only you and he cannot see it is real love. Pain is to watch him chase after a dream that hurts him because he cannot reach his dream. Pain is to see him lie to cover his feeling for something painful to him so he can help you. Pain is to give unconditionally and to never get anything in return. Pain is to cry when you are really happy and laugh when you are sad. Pain is to love a man in the worst way and he feels the same. Empathy means that you care about someone you have empathy for a man who breaks down and cry because he realizes he loves you too. You have empathy for a man when he is hurt and angry about things not working out and needs someone to walk him through the process. You have empathy for a man when he loses his mother and you are there to support him in his time of need every time. You have empathy for a man when things are not going right for you and he is willing to talk. You have empathy for a man when you support the things he likes to do, you show interest to his interest for him to pursue his dreams. You show empathy in a man when you encourage him to be his best. You have empathy in a man when you are willing to take risk. You show empathy for a man when you are down for whatever, whenever he needs you. You have empathy in a relationship when you build bridges to grown together as a couple. Empathy means that you care for each other through thick and thin until the last day ends your life because your love is true.
Hope is when you celebrate love through prayer. You hope your relationship works. You hope God will bless you as a couple. You hope no one will come between you. You hope that the fate of your relationship is lasting. You hope that you will be together for eternity. You hope the church approves your marriage. You hope that he will never falter. You hope he will always stay safe. You hope he turns to God for guidance when troubled. You hope he has good health. You hope he has sound mind. You hope he will never turn from God. You hope he forgives you when he is hurting. You hope this love will last forever. You hope he understands. You hope we find inner peace in our hearts, because your love for him is deep down in your soul.
To have peace means to surrender your love to the one who means the most to you. The one you love loves you enough to sacrifice everything to be with you is peaceful. Peace means you will learn to like the things you donít like about him and to value and love the qualities that are good that you see in him. Peace means that you see all well in him every time you are with him, think about him, reflect upon him. Peace means you are willing to take a moment to value the life you spend with him. Peace means you are willing to have his child and marry him. Peace means you are willing to take the challenge of building a relationships while raising a family. Peace means you are willing to contribute to a relationship. Peace means to give and to accept changes. Peace means to vow to do what is right for the family as a couple. Peace means to say sorry when you are wrong. Peace means to compromise to making ends meet. Peace means to listen and grow as a couple. Peace means to accept your partner in life. Peace means to sacrifice what you want with something you need. Peace means to have control of your life. Peace is to surrender to love.
The selection you make when choosing your one true love is not easy decision, because you set your expectations to high you neglect to accept the one true love in your life. No one love is perfect. You just about love to fall in and out of love more than once until you are willing to settle down with the one you are with. Love happens to us until we least expect it. The right person for you might be the friend you are with and not be aware he is the best choice. When you break away from love, you are miserable at being lonely. You become bitter trying to find love in your life by occupying yourself with needless activities that you shut him out. You find you are missing a piece in your life, when you realize that you have lost a love you fell in love with for the wrong reasons and often it is too late to turn back. Too many men did not meet your expectation and so you live a lonely life, miserable with your selection of being alone. Your heart is broken so many times to discover you failed at finding love. Love hurts. If we do not have love in our lives, our life is incomplete. We search for love so we donít feel alone. There are no promises to keep. The love you are searching for may not be the one you one, but often it is the man of your dreams that you so very much need.